Message from Her Majesty....

[royalwelsh]

A MESSAGE FROM THE QUEEN



To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II



In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)



Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except North Dakota, which she does not fancy).



Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.



Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.



To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:



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1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').



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2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.'



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3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.



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4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse.



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5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.



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6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.



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7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.



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8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.



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9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.



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10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialect in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.



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11. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).



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12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.



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13.. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.



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14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).



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15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.



God Save the Queen!




PS: Only share this with friends who have a good sense of humour (NOT humor)!

[Beth]

So will the Queen also settle a much discussed subject on if you borrow someone some money (A common phrasing in the upper midwest that seems to annoy residence in other areas) is it a loan? And then we can get into "you guys" vrs "y'all"

[colt45]

Justin,
You should have added that all the nitwits in Congress and the current administration, after being dissolved, should be imprisoned in the tower.

[quincannon]

Got to love Lizzie. A fine old girl. God Save Her.

[yanmacca]

Justin I have been trying over the last five years (or is it six) to add a little Britishness to these boards, only the other day I gave out the basic recipe for a "Full English" but I am surprised at just how close we are in certain ways. the language and spelling I think comes from people actually putting things down on paper and spelling it as it sounds, but we both know that is not the way its done, but is it just the British who do this? I went the supermarket (Mall) at Christmas for a bottle of Merlot wine, but we both know that you don't pronounce the T, so in the USA it would be called Merlo, or Merlot with the T pronounced?

Chuck when I went to the pictures (cinema) in the 1960s we all had to stand for the Queen, a full military band would suddenly appear on the screen and we would stand whilst they played the national anthem. Now I would love to bring this back and see just how many actually would stand now, I would expect that a majority would stay seated or even boo, probably ones from foreign decent who really don't like the country but love all the freedom and benefits we offer.

God Save The Queen.

Yan.

[Beth]

In the US we say Merlo-or murlow.

I find it interesting that the custom of playing the national anthem stopped. I wonder if it had to do with that going to the movies just became not that big of a deal, or changing in attitudes towards patriotism. Or did movie theaters in the UK become like the US and have practically endless showings of a feature movie from about 10 AM to midnight.

[quincannon]

We are two great countries Ian, and the playing of our respective anthems to me is a sign of national resolve, a symbol appropriate in both times of trial and triumph.

Two memories:

In about 1991 I was watching one of those annual shows from the Kennedy Center. The Red Army Chorus was there that night, and their final selection was "God Bless America" (which many here consider our second National Anthem). I was dumbfounded to the point of tears. I turned to Joan and said - It's over, those things we all worked so hard on are finally accomplished.

The second occasion was the morning of 11 September 2001 when the Band of The Coldstream Guards (I believe) played "The Star Spangled Banner" in front of our embassy in London. My feeling then were - It's just beginning.

Never sell patriotism short. It sustains us.

[Beth]

I find some people currently confuse nationalism with patriotism.

[quincannon]

Thus it has always been Beth.

The driving force behind nationalism is the seeming refusal of the newbee to assimilate into the culture of the gaining country. That is a generational issue for most. By the third or fourth generation removed from immigration it usually will sort itself out. Nationalists are impatient, and that impatience tends to turn off the immigrant. Some cultures assimilate faster than others. Some cultures contain outside forces, not understood, that slow the process down considerably. As world communication spreads, immigration will be a constant, and we, all of us, had better find ways to adapt, and in adapting be capable of more readily absorbing.

[dave]

RW
"1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').
"


We have been using the letter 'U' all the time here in God's country. For example we say:
"young'un"
"you'uns"
"big'un"
"your'n"
"us'uns"
Regards
Dave

[Beth]

It can be very complicated! The US has a history of the last wave of immigrants being the most intolerant of the next--it's like 'we've scratched out our place and we don't want to give you a chance to take it away."

[yanmacca]

Jan 12, 2016 16:17:45 GMT quincannon said:

The second occasion was the morning of 11 September 2001 when the Band of The Coldstream Guards (I believe) played "The Star Spangled Banner" in front of our embassy in London. My feeling then were - It's just beginning.

Chuck I remember watching that footage like it was yesterday and even now if I watch it on you tube, it brings a lump to my throat.

Yan.

[yanmacca]

Concerning immigrants and refugees, now everyone on this earth should be able to live in peace and be safe, but we all know that this is easier said than done and if these people are genuine then countries are obliged to help in some ways, but we have to be able to roll with the punches as Germany have excepted thousands of Syrian and Afghan (and others) refugees and what happens, IS militants kill a load of Germans at a hotel in Turkey.

But if we have a case of a person going to another country to live then they should take an active part in fitting in, because I would never contemplate moving lock, stock and barrel to a foreign land if I didn’t have some feelings for the place and I think that standing up in a cinema when that countries national anthem plays out is a small price to pay.

Yan.

[dave]

Beth
Your comment:
"It can be very complicated! The US has a history of the last wave of immigrants being the most intolerant of the next--it's like 'we've scratched out our place and we don't want to give you a chance to take it away."


I saw that type of attitude so often with university groups especially in the Greek organizations. Individuals who barley eked in become the "self styled" protectors of the organization by deciding who will be worthy of admittance. Seems to be human nature for the weak members try to winnow out any and all that might surpass their contributions.

Yan
Allow me to preface my comments by stating my ancestors came from the coal mines of Wales, the bogs of Ireland, the highlands of Scotland and the Cornwall peninsula of England. I am what is known as a Heinz 57 American and proud to be one who is not
anti-change or anti-immigrant.
America has always accepted immigrants but have in the past required them to assimilate to our laws, language and customs. Now with the advent of political correctness and the concern of offending others we have permitted the illegal immigrants to not only enter but hang onto their languages and customs to the point we are encouraging a bi-lingual society. No other group has had the power of the Latino immigrants to change the fabric of American society. We should encourage and assist lawful immigration but with the proviso of becoming an American not a Latino, African, Italian or whatever American. The phrase "E Pluribus Unum" addressed this concept and still does.
Regards
Dave

[Beth]

Dave
I am going to have to correct you about Americans accepting immigrants--look at the story of many Asian immigrants like the Chinese in the 1800 or the Vietnamese in the 70's. Germans had a hard time at the beginning of the 1900 and then there is no getting around how ugly the treatment of Japanese Americans was in WWII.

Right now Sam's best friend is struggling to get her US citizenship. She has been here since she was 6 months old (Born in India). She is employed, plus a top student in her high school and provides her parents and sister with a major amount of their support. She wants to go to college to study medicine but her family is low income so she needs a scholarship and student loans. She was on track doing everything she should to gain her citizenship when it came to a crashing halt a few months ago. The problem--she is Muslim though neither Shiite or Sunni but one of the small minority denominations but in the US right now we treat every Muslim the same. It's frustrating to see this extremely promising young woman having to struggle and is actually facing being deported to a country she hasn't been in since she was an infant just because of prejudice.